RAHM: That's not my name...so NO! Why don't you reveal your real identity, Doc... or are you some kinda right-wing ghost?

DOC: Gotta tell 'ya Rahmbo...Doc is my name but you can call me Sir.

RAHM: Go fuck yaself!

DOC: Such language Rahmbo! How thuggish. Chicago style, eh? Who do you most resemble, the fictional Moe Green or the larger than life gangster Meyer Lansky? Ooops...Lansky thugged in New York and never worked with the negroes in Harlem. You on the other hand work for a negro in Chicago. Gonna send me a dead fish like you did to that nasty pollster, Rahmbo? Or are 'ya gonna save it for Rep. Defazio from Oregon cause he dissed your bogus Hope and Change massa?

RAHM: Fuck you and your teabagging family. Don't think we ain't keeping score on you motherfucker!

DOC: Okay Okay! Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, what can you tell us about Rush Limbaugh's comparison of the Tiger Woods meltdown and the Obamessiah's tanking poll numbers?

Limbaugh claims The One will also be unmasked as a media created fraud.

RAHM: Well that fat son-of-a-bitch is a damned draft dodger. He refused to serve in Vietnam because of a pimple on his ass! What a putz! Can you believe that shit?

DOC: I ask the questions here Rahmbo. My listeners don't care about The MahaRushie. They want your take on the side-by-side anology of failed half-black men. Will Obama go Tiger on us? Can you stop it?

RAHM: Tiger Woods chases a little ball with a stick when he's not trying to put his balls in a strange hole. The Blessed One carries his own bag and the weight of the world on his shoulders. Obama is chosen to save us, he has no time for cougars.

DOC: Maybe he just doesn't like girls...I mean look at his wife Michelle...Woof! But he's aging fast and can't seem to accomplish a damn thing short of bankrupting America and reading lofty misleading speeches from a made-in-China teleprompter. Going Tiger as Limbaugh puts it is code for meltdown. Again Rahmbo, I gotta ask...how close is The "O" to absolute Zero?

RAHM: You rat bastards on the bible-thumping right would love to see that. Fuhgetaboutit! Ain't gonna happen. Not on my watch.

DOC: Let's move on Rahmbo. What's up with these Christmas tree ornaments featuring Moa Tse Tung, a transvestite and the "O" on Mount Rushmore? ANR listeners are fairly pissed about that action.

RAHM: Ain't nuthin' but a thang! We enjoy the community tree and sticking it to the Christians.

DOC: So when did a Chicago jew start speaking Hood Ebonics? You running for Alderman or the county line?

RAHM: Fuckya!

DOC: That's much better. So... where's the First Dog?

DOC: Can't tell ya' how happy we are to have you here today, Rush. Not just for your gracious interview but that scary medical thing in Hawaii. The liberal blogs told us you were dead. Wikipedia was especially harsh. You faked 'em out again, eh?

RUSH: Thank-you Doc. The response from loyal EIB ™ listeners and conservatives from around the world was...IS just humbling to me. I can never express how important that support was and will always be. As for the Left and it's penchant for hate and vitriol...well what can I say? Yeah I faked 'em out again. But that's no tough feat. Do it everyday with half my brain tied behind my back.

DOC: Yes indeed. In the short time we have today, I would like to go back just a few weeks and ask you about the Sarah Palin phenomenon. Her star is rising among the Right Wing and you scored an interview with her last month. Just what makes this housewife, former governor and moose-killer so attractive?

RUSH: Well hell Doc she's a babe! But seriously, Sarah embodies the very essence of conservatism. She says what she means and means what she says. Her words are what conservatives so desperately need to hear in these troubling times. As you know Doc, words have consequences.

DOC: It was senator Rick Santelli that gave life to the Tea Party Movement but the huge response both in numbers and volume is accredited to Palin. What do you make of that?

RUSH: Just first let me say how proud I am of the literally millions of Americans who have responded to the call of patriotism that is the Tea Party Movement. That said, Palin is simply the natural repository for the needed leadership. Leadership is the key to any successful revolution.

DOC: Now that's very interesting...your use of the word revolution. As you said, words have consequences. Do you fear the Tea Party Movement is headed towards a Third Party revolution? Have those on the far Right become as delusional as the AIR AMERICA, Obama Koolaide drinking loons?

RUSH: Yes and yes! The surest way to destroy conservatism vis-a-vis the Republican Party is to waste time, money and votes on third party candidates. We need only recall what Ross Perot did in '92 and '96 that gave us the Clintonistas.

DOC: Okay Rush let's take a ride on the Way Back Machine shall we? My listeners are concerned your recent hospitalization might be a relapse to your drug days. Any worries there?

RUSH: That's a fair question. Fair question. No! I'm clean and sober...haven't touched the stuff since a coupla' days after rehab...just some Viagra at the Palm Beach airport.

DOC: Okay. Next point of concern for my listerners is military service. Liberal detractors claim you, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck are draft dodgers. Chickenhawks. Hannity and Beck claim there was no draft when they were of that age...I might add that not a single service member since 1972 until today that serves in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere around the globe was drafted...so what is your excuse, El Rushbo?

RUSH: Pilonidal cyst.

DOC: You evaded military service to your country during time of war because of a PIMPLE on your ass?

DOC: What were you thinking? Oh! Sorry, Harry! Welcome to the show. We know you're busy burying gaffes but why didn't you just call our President a nigger and get over it two elections ago?

FILTHY HARRY: I...uh... greatly respect the negroes and what they have done for sports and the saxophone. But just let me say I support the President and his toothy, muscular wife in their attempt to bring CHANGE to us in America. HOPE is in her hair.

DOC: Oops! We have to take a hard commercial break Harry thanks to your boy in the Whitehouse, Rahm 'Deadfish ' Emanuel. The little Chicago Rat is crashing our phone banks. My call-screener is threatening to quit or worse!

DOC: Okay we're back. My screener has been arrested so we won't be taking any more calls during the interview. That is unfortunate dont'cha think Senator Filthy Reid?

FILTHY HARRY: Stop calling me that. I'm clean, articulate and don't use a light skinned Morman dialect unless I need to for political purposes. If your call-screener has been arrested then he must be guilty of something under the Obama Doctrine.

DOC: Now that's just scary! Alright Harry...let's get down to it. Are you going to do what you demanded republican Trent Lott do? That is, resign your Senate leadership role for insulting negroes everywhere?

FILTHY HARRY: I'm not going anywhere jewboy!

DOC: You gonna lose the election in November?

FILTHY HARRY: Maybe.

DOC: Are you gonna give up your federal health insurance package and opt for the unconstitutional reform bill you, Queen Nancy and the Obama are pushing down America's collective throats?

FILTHY HARRY: Oh FUCK no! It's just like Vegas. What happens in Congress stays in Congress. Interview OVER!

DOC: Thanks for dropping by Glenn. I know you're busier than ACORN buying whore houses with taxpayer money, but to use your words, I'm just saying, you're kinda nuts right? Or not so much?

GLENN: I get that a lot Doc. I don't know. Maybe I am crazy. I have raging ADD 'ya know. I'm an alchoholic and my Mom killed herself.

DOC: Yeah, uh, I think I heard that somewhere.

GLENN: And I used to do drugs so bad I can't remember my first wife and kids. Did I have kids with her? I don't know! What were we talking about?

DOC: Never mind. Let's just get rolling before our time is up. So what possessed you to rag on Scott Brown after his stunning upset of the democrats in Massachusetts? He took back the Kennedy Seat for the people and the GOP for Godsakes!

GLENN: Well, my new religious faith teaches me to protect little girls. The children, Doc! We must protect the children! Have you seen them in the malls? Dressed up and painted with make-up like little whores?

DOC: I ask the questions Glenn. Invite me to your show and you can return the favor, Savvy? Sure I've seen young girls in questionable dress. Wearing make-up and such. But Senator-elect Brown's daughters are powerful adults in their own right. Where do you get off judging them and assuming their protection?

GLENN: Because in his victory speech, huh, Brown really scares me, told the world his daughters were available. Available for what? He put them on the meat market like a side of porkloin and that's wrong! I think I have daughters and if I did what Brown did my wife would take a knife to me. She would put the parts in a drawer! I'm just saying.

DOC: And you say Scott Brown scares you? Using your phrase again, I gotta tell 'ya Glenn Beck, you scare the HELL out of me! Wives with knives, cuts of meat, little girls and drawers. What frequency are you on?

GLENN: AM mostly. Since I found God in Utah and began storing food, vegetable seeds and gold in secret locations I have found peace. I think. Look I gotta run. You want me back on your show, right? C'mon Doc, who's the cute little internet talk show host? Oh yes you are...yes you are!

DOC: Would I ever want to bring you back on ANR Radio?...ahhh....Not so Much!

HOLDER: Bear Jew. Rahm Emanuel. Be afraid Doc, be very afraid!